The Story So Far And New Beginnings

I have some regular readers that have known me for a long time and there may be some new readers.

So here is the story so far and reasoning for this new beginning.

Writing began in 2004. I was an advocate/brand ambassador for desktop Linux. When I had pissed off an executive of two software companies, he called me nothing more than a high brow software pirate. I thought it was cool being a pirate so I rolled with it.

In 2006 I felt a call to return to ministry (I was a minister from 1992 through about 1998). I started a new blog at that point called "From Highbrow Pirate to Hometown Pastor". It no longer exists, but in that time I discovered a passion for writing and story telling. I did not know how personal that story would get.

I was guest blogging here and there and by 2009 I started writing in the local paper my church was. It was a monthly column that gave me 700 words to express my thoughts on humanity, god, society, human rights and so much more.

Life was pretty good. I had a church that was making a difference. I had a kid that was (and is) amazing. I had a family. I was in leadership positions in the Emergent Village Cohorts, the Outlaw Preachers, The Progressive Christian Alliance, the Order of Franciscan Servants and even the local Clergy Alliance and a missional resource center. I was also trying terribly hard to be a big deal.

That was when it all fell apart.

Divorce, church fracturing, child was going through hell, I lost my apartment and had a few relationships that were disasters.

I found myself driving a taxi and I wrote about my adventures in a blog and even wrote a book.

The stories are good, but I need to be honest about life in a taxi at night. The darkness consumes you. Average driver in the Chicago metropolitan area works 13 hour shifts 25 out of every 30 days for less than $5 an hour. It is a long story how that is legal, but it is even worse for those in Uber and Lyft vehicles.

Living that kind of life. Working 72 hours a week for about $12,000 a year does something to a man while facing the darkness of humanity, getting ripped off, beaten down and shit on. Your faith ebbs away. Not just in the institution of religion and god, but humanity, government, society and yourself.

It is a deconstruction into nothing. You no longer care if you live or die because you are in a constant state of numb. At least, that was true for me.

I was angry all the time and lost in the woods. People who used to be brothers and sisters in arms became the brunt of my anger. Those who were not the brunt of it were afraid of becoming so. The few friends I had were stolen moments of light and an oasis in the midst of a personal hell. There was one very special oasis that took place a few times a year at Starbucks. Of them all, it was my lifeline and almost a guilty pleasure. I was me again for a few brief moments, and then I would go back into a nightmare that would make Dante' wet himself.

Then something happened that I am not ready to talk about yet because it is too personal. I will say this. The ultimate result of consuming hatred and anger and bitterness is death. When faced with the literal power of that death, I realized that I cared about life more than I thought. I also realized I no longer liked being angry and numb. It was exhausting. I wanted to live and to love.

So I did just that. I live again and I love again. I told the coffee oasis that I love her. I made sure my child knew he is loved. I stopped being angry online and insulting everyone and everything.

But I learned something else. Love without anger and a jaded edge earns you a lot less likes and shares on social media than angst does. I am happier and less popular. I can live with that. I feel and live again.

I have to believe that there are others out there who love matters for. Who are tired of anger and see good in all things.

In this blog I will tell the stories of my own love and life. I also want to find the other Outlaws of Love and tell their stories.

So. If you are interested in sharing this new chapter, please do. If not, that is fine too.

I have nothing to sell. I am not trying to lead a charge. I just want to tell good love stories and stories of life. I want to tell our story. Stories of those who had to lose everything to gain life. Who lost faith only to find new things to believe in.

Hope you keep reading. Hope I explained the point well.

Share. Comment. Love. Live.